


i love you, i didn't know

by Fluoradine



Category: Devilman (Anime & Manga)
Genre: (i dont know what that tag means but it might fit), Angst, Best Friends, Character Death, F/F, Femslash February, Fluff and Angst, Friendship/Love, Pre-Canon, Pre-Femslash, Running
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-04
Updated: 2018-02-25
Packaged: 2019-03-13 10:26:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13568652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fluoradine/pseuds/Fluoradine
Summary: collection of femslash feb mikimikis.........i may be in tears but at least the lesbian community has my back





	1. simpler times

**Author's Note:**

> happy new year everybody! sorry for the hiatus, i kinda burnt myself out after december and then january was a Month so,,,,yeah haha i'm back 
> 
> its been 84 years since i wrote something other than overwatch, and what better way to kick off femslash feb with something new! i havent been able to stop thinking about crybaby since i finished it so i decided i'd try my hand at the best girls in the world. hopefully more will come after this, and i hope you enjoy the fics!

It was hard to remember where it had all started. When Miki Makimura looked out her window and saw nothing but death, wreck, and ruin, she could barely remember what yesterday had looked like. Track teams and high school all felt like last year’s dream, even when they had been just last week’s reality.

Still, when she could bring herself to, there were small moments that always were first to be remembered. Littler things, like reading stories to Taro, making snowmen with Akira, early mornings with mom and dad and sometimes holidays with the rest of her family. But the one she kept replaying was the best one, so insignificant back then but so important now: running with her Miko.

In a way, that was where everything had started. In the first year of high school, practicing to get a spot on the girls’s track team and already planning on beating the school record. Miki was practicing every day, but running wasn’t a sport meant to be done alone. So she’d asked one of her best friends to help her reach the goal. 

“You doing alright, Miki?”

Miki Kuroda’s foot tore down onto the grass. Her shoe flung dirt up into the air, and her legs wobbled as she came down from the sprint. The sun was high in the sky, and the two had been out timing each other for 20 minutes. Normally, Miko would never give up a nice day like this for running practice, but Miki must’ve convinced her without even trying. 

“I’m all good.” she grunted, leaning over to catch her breath. Her chest rose and fell quicker than her feet had just been, and Miki found herself wondering if a heavier chest size could give runners a disadvantage.

“What was my time?” Miko reached for her water bottle, gulping down nearly the whole thing in one drink. 

“25 seconds. We still need to get under 20 to have a good start on beating that record.”

Miko groaned. “That’s so much to cut down. Are you sure we can do this? I don’t like putting my time into things that don’t follow through.”

Miko’s reluctance was something Miki knew well already. This goal was going to be pretty hard to achieve like this. She frowned at her friend, and took the water bottle away. “Come on, Miko, we’re not even halfway there. All we need is more hard work.”

“It sounds so easy when you say it,” Miko said. “I don’t think beating a school record is going to be as easy as making pie.”

“Maybe not, but it’ll be worth the effort. Besides, even if it takes a while to train up, it’ll be fun. Don’t you like this weather?”

“It is nice. You’ve got me there, Miki.” Miko took the timer from Miki, and pointed her over towards their starting point. Miki took her time getting there, keeping the conversation going as she stretched out her legs.

“Any tips, Miko?”

“Just pretend like it’s relay,” Miko said, sitting down with the stopwatch and water bottle in each hand. “Go as fast as you can, and hand me the baton when you get over here.”

“Can I slap your hand to make it more realistic?” Miki asked, and heard Miko chuckle.

“If it helps, yeah.” Her chuckle turned into a giggle, and Miki felt her chest flutter. She hadn’t ran relay with Miko since last year, but could never forget what a great team they’d made. She wouldn’t trust anyone else to take the baton from her, and wanted to keep running with Miko for as long as she could.

“You’re always so adorable. How do you do it?” Miko called, still smiling after Miki’s dumb joke. 

“Effort. I told you, it’s the most important part of training.” Miki leaned towards the ground, setting up to run. 

“You’ll have to give me tips someday,” Miko said. “I can never make people this happy right after they’ve complained.”

“You already do, silly. You make me happy all the time.”

Miko’s grin faltered for a second, then beamed again almost nervously. “Don’t be such a sweetheart. You’ve got a record to beat, Makimura!”

“Get ready to run after I slap your hand, okay?” Miki said, and heard Miko gasp.

“I just ran! You can’t make me do it again so soon!”

“Aren’t we treating this like relay?” Miki grinned. She could feel Miko shaking her head all the way from here. How lucky she was to have her as a friend, she would never know. In that moment, Miki didn’t even care if she ever beat the record - just hanging out with Miko like this was enough to make her happy for ages. 

Miko sighed. She stuck out her hand, holding it far enough for Miki to slap as she ran by. “Okay. We’ll see how I feel.”

“Fine. Just don’t be jealous if I beat your time.”

“I could never be,” Miko raised the hand, and Miki got ready to run. “On your mark, get set, go!”

As Miki sprang up into the sprint, she looked up at Miko, and felt her chest race. This was all that mattered back then, being young and determined, spending a Sunday practicing with her best friend and trusted partner. She wanted to beat the record beside Miko, conquer Miki’s world together and succeed as a team, not by herself. That would make her happy; that was all Miki needed to be happy.

As Miko smiled in the distance, Miki felt her foot dig deep into the dirt. She felt a surge of determination, and used it to push off into the challenge ahead. She ran.


	2. be like you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> school sucks sorry for the wait! i'm probably gonna continue this series after february ends though, so don't worry about not getting enough mikimiki content in - i'm hooked now and probably forever on em

“Miko, I just don’t get it! How are you so good at _everything?_ ”

The sun was high in the sky above the two girls walking home. Their feet matched up accidentally with the same leisurely, burnt-out pace as they rounded a corner, getting closer to the Makimura house with every step. It had been a hard track practice, stuffed full with races, and Makimura Miki had come out on top of Kuroda Miki’s sprint time for the third time this week.

Miko’s skills had once been impressive. Before high school started, she was the one the boys came to for help in science and to play playground soccer with. She felt special when she excelled. It had given her a shimmer of worth in her otherwise-pitch dark world. If she’d known her best friend would be the one to tear all that down, Miko would never have encouraged her to run in the first place. 

It wasn’t Miki’s fault for being great at everything. Miko was sure she didn’t even know she was doing it. But seeing what had taken her years of practice get achieved by someone else in mere months yanked Miko’s heart down into her knees. The jealously practically dripped off of her whenever they ran, and she sometimes wondered if things would be better had they never been friends at all. 

Still, they really were friends, and Miko had taken the pleasure of walking her home. She’d gotten exhausted seeing other girls breeze past her like the wind, and just wanted to sink into the couch at home. But she’d taken the long route instead, and Miki’s conversation topic had changed into something Miko hadn’t expected. 

“I’m not good at everything, Miki.” Miko sighed. She never took compliments at face value. This kind of talk had come from her parents when she was younger, even today - always the same meaning concealed behind different words.

“You can’t seriously mean that.” Miki raised her eyebrows. “You’re telling me you really think you suck at everything?”

“No, not that I suck. You’re just exaggerating too much. Try specifics.”

Miki scrunched up her face. “Hm….specifics? Okay, how about…. how come you can run the 90 metre sprint three whole seconds faster than me?”

Miko shrugged. “I’ve done it for a while. You should know that practice makes perfect already, Miki.”

“I do, I do. But you’ve always been great at it! Remember when you beat me across the lawn to Mr Torisawa’s last year? You got there before I’d even started running.”

“Is running the only thing I can do, then?” Miko snapped, and Miki’s smile fell. She reached to take it back before realizing it wasn’t possible. Words were the one thing that always failed Miko. Turning thoughts into sounds was like a rocket science to her. So many friendships had been ended over not knowing what to say, or having a remark come out the wrong way.

Miki looked down. “Sorry. It was all I could think of off the top of my head.”

“Don’t be sorry. I didn’t mean to say it like that.”

“Can I go on, then?” 

Miko raised a brow. “You have more things you think I’m good at?”

“Of course!” Miki’s smile bounced right back onto her face. “You get top marks in math every year, don’t you? Functions are hard for pretty much everyone else in our year, but you can solve a problem in less than five minutes.”

“That’s because I do the homework, Miki.” Miko said it with a shrug, but felt a smile rising underneath her thick skin. Encouragement from others had always failed to make her feel any different about herself, but somehow, Miki’s words were getting through. 

“I do, silly,” Miki said. “But there’s a difference between talent and practice. Speaking of talent, you’re crazy good at drawing, too.”

“Drawing?” Miko barely drew. She’d stopped doodling in the margins of her books after middle school. Miki couldn’t have possibly remembered that detail from so long ago, had she?

“Yeah. Drawing, making diagrams, doing anything with your hands, really. Hands, legs, what else?…. Your hair always looks nice, your write great essays in so little time, you’ve already read all our summer reading material and it isn’t even June.” 

Miki paused, her pace slowing. “You know, you inspire me, Miko.” she said, her bright grin turning into a guilty smirk. 

Miko stopped walking. “I… what?”

“You inspire me,” Miki nodded. “Whenever I see you doing something you’re great at, I feel so lucky to be your friend. When I tried out for the track team, it was just on a whim that I might someday get to be as good as you. I never thought I’d get this far - that we’d get this far together, actually. You’re the one I look up to all the time - can’t you see that?”

They’d both stopped right in the middle of the sidewalk, Miki starting to spiral on in her spiel and Miko listening with her mouth hanging half open. No one had ever told her something like this before. Miko was never the person someone else longed to be. Even her name reflected that she was an afterthought, constantly bending and conforming to be someone she knew she wasn’t.

“I….” Miko didn’t know what to say. Miki’s words had knocked all jealousy out of her, and all she could do was look at her, overcome by compassion. 

“You don’t mean that, do you?” was what she did say, and Miki’s giggle made her heart flush weirdly.

“Why would I say it if I didn’t, silly?” she said, her signature smile rivalling the shining sun. “I do want to be like you. You’re amazing in every way. There’s no way I would ever ask for a different friend.”

Miko kept staring. Miki was always caring in this way, but she’d always disregarded it as simple naivety. Now, though, Miko felt like her words actually were true, and meant the weight of her whole world. Miki had a kind heart; she would never want to bring Miko down. All she wanted was to be like her. 

“Tell me, Miko, is there really anything you aren’t good at?” Miki asked as she started to walk again, her footsteps lightening up from before. 

Miko looked at her, and really looked at her - the classic grin, the clear green eyes, the sweaty forehead and pressed dimples, and felt something unfamiliar. 

“Words.” Miko said, lost in thought at her best friend. “I suck at saying the right thing at the right time.”

“Ah, I’m sure you’re not too bad with that, either.” Miki said, and reached to tug Miko forward. “If you ever need to tell me anything, I’m sure I’ll understand it.”

“Yeah.” Miko let herself get pulled, her own pace getting faster. Miki’s words meant more than anything to her, and she was so glad she’d heard them.

“Now, let’s get home quick. I still have a paper to finish, and I’ll need all the help you can give.” Miki said, and they continued off down the road, footsteps matching up once again, though this time not by accident.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave a kudo or comment if you enjoyed! tumblr is @starchilling!


	3. save love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)))))). not all the angst i have - just the beginning. sorry if this is poorly written, i just need to put smthn out.

The sky is on fire. Remnants of stars flash like ambulance lights, the moon only a sliver of natural light in a world covered with smoke. Darkness falls in between every crack in the fire, making the night look like early morning. Beside the river, it is still dark, but flames are devouring the rest of the world just over the horizon. 

_What does it mean to be human?_

Makimura Miki is at track practice. Her chest is heaving, her legs are soaring, her hand is reaching for the finish line. It’s just a few steps ahead, a single stretch of her fingertips in the distance. She is running the relay, Miko cheering behind her, Akira shouting in anticipation in front of her. Her friends. The people she loves more than anything else are with her. 

They are gone. Akira is fighting the apocalypse, and Miko is dead. Miki started running when the gun fired, summing up all her strength to keep going, finish the race, and save the world. Akira has to take the baton. To save the world, to become Atlas, to be the anchor, Akira has to take the baton. But Miki can’t reach him. Her mind is somewhere else. 

The bedroom floor had been so cold.

The summer air so warm.

The world so peaceful.

Before they’d left, Miko had told her the truth. But Miki already knew. It wasn’t difficult to notice Miko’s hungry eyes, stammered words, and thick jealousy bubbling deep beneath the skin in the days before. There, in the bedroom, it had all finally burst, turning to hate that turned to love that turned to a devotion not even the devil himself could match. It had always been raging inside of her, but when it came out, no beast came with it. 

She’d broken down when she said it for the first time. That she loved her. And Miki couldn’t understand why it had come out like water instead of fire, smoke instead of flames, like it was the last pure thing the world hadn’t had the chance to destroy. 

_What does it mean to be good?_

Miki is running. Dead grass crunches like bones under her bare feet, fire licks at her back from a hundred metres behind, and Miko’s voice whispers to her. I love you. Over and over again, the last words she ever heard her say, the only words she can think of as the world starts to slip away. 

When Miko had changed, Miki had barely noticed. The physical difference was obvious, but her attitude remained exactly the same. Even with a devil raging inside her, Miko was still stubborn, jealous, holding a fierce hatred of every shred of her. Seeing that thick skin finally thin and fall away had turned something on in Miki, and as she runs, it is all she can think about.

The mob behind her is getting closer. However fast Miki is, fifty others fuelled by hatred and fear are faster. Akira’s hand is open in front of her, and Miki is stretching her arm as far as it can go. Still, he slips out of her reach. Still, she thinks of Miko, and nothing else.

_Please, let her live._

 _I love you._ Like the first flower blooming beneath the snow. Like the last glimmer of the sun before it sets. Her words are so pure, so innocent and kind that they can’t be real. Too pure to exist this late in the apocalypse, this close to the end of Miki’s life. 

A bullet passes through her leg, but Miki keeps running. Tears starting to form, she flails violently with the baton. What she can give can’t save the world. It’s too late to stop the end from coming. She knows. Miko knew. Miko knew and she told her the truth, and she died for her, knowing she won’t be stopping anything. She died for Miki, and Miki alone. 

_Please!_

If she had one more moment with her, Miki would’ve told her again. She would’ve said I love you a million times over, those three words like pure natural light in a world decimated by fire and ash. Her heart would’ve reached out further than her hands ever could, and she would’ve been beside the person she loved more than anything before the end came for her. 

As the mob draws closer, Miki gives one more push forward. She knows she should be reaching for Akira, but when she closes her eyes, her hand is reaching for Miko. It cannot reach any further. Her heart cannot go beyond Miko. She is with her forever, even when death is closing in like wolves to their prey. The world can’t be saved. Nothing can be saved. 

_Save Miki Makimura._

But love can be saved. Miki can let go of hatred, and save the one good thing left. She can heave as she runs, looking up at the fiery sky, above the reaches of hate and jealousy. And she can smile as she thinks of Miko, still waiting for her in the unknown, holding her own baton, one perfectly within Miki’s reach.

**Author's Note:**

> please leave a comment or kudo if you enjoyed, and rec to your friends! tumblr is @starchilling!


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